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In recent weeks, we have looked at some of the common challenges that arise for parents of infants and toddlers and elementary-aged children during the divorce process. This week, we continue with helpful information for parents of teenagers. Parenting teenage children can be challenging even under the best circumstances, and it can be especially difficult to help them cope with your divorce. It is important to make an effort to understand their needs and to address them through your child support order and the allocation of parental responsibilities.
Teenagers are likely to cope with divorce very differently when compared to younger age groups. On the one hand, their advanced maturity level may help them better understand the reasons for your divorce, and you may be able to have more meaningful conversations with them about the process. However, you should still try to keep the parent-child relationship in mind and avoid treating your child like a friend or confidant, especially when it comes to complaining about their other parent.
In our last blog, we discussed some of the challenges that Illinois parents of infants and toddlers often face when getting a divorce. We know that parents of children of all ages need support during the divorce process, and we continue this week by addressing some important considerations for parents of children who are in elementary school. The unique needs of children of this age require special attention when it comes to issues like child custody and child support.
By the time children reach the age of 5, they are starting to form more lasting memories and become more aware of the world around them. This awareness only increases as time goes on. Elementary-aged children may pick up on signs of the divorce, especially if there is visible conflict between their parents, but they are unlikely to fully understand what is happening and why. As a result, they may have many questions about the divorce, most of which revolve around their concerns that they are at fault. They may be worried that their behavior is making one of the parents want to leave, or even that their parents do not love them anymore. The stress of the divorce can also affect a child’s relationships with their friends and peers, as well as their performance in school and their general mood. In many cases, a child psychologist or family therapist can be beneficial to help children of this age cope.
The birth of a child is often cause for celebration, and many parents find that their relationship grows stronger as they work together to raise their child. Unfortunately, however, some parents decide that their marriage is no longer working soon after their child is born. Getting a divorce when you have an infant or toddler can be especially hard, and it is important to think carefully about your child’s needs and best interests as you work to resolve divorce issues.
Children under the age of three will not understand the reasons for a divorce, and research suggests that they may not even form lasting memories of the events surrounding the divorce. However, because these years are so important to a child’s development, divorce can still affect them significantly. Hurtful conflict between parents and constant interruptions to the child’s routine can cause trauma with effects that resurface as the child gets older. There may also be more immediately noticeable effects. For example, your child may become more dependent on you or the other parent or regress in their development with regard to sleep routines and potty training.
On May 20, Dion U. Davi, founding attorney of Davi Law Group, LLC, will be installed as President of the Cook County chapter of the Justinian Society of Lawyers. We are proud to recognize Dion for this honor and accomplishment, as well as for his service to the Illinois legal community throughout the last two decades.
The Justinian Society of Lawyers was founded in Chicago in 1921 as an association of attorneys of Italian heritage. It has since grown to encompass more than 250 lawyers throughout Cook and DuPage Counties, many of whom have held prominent positions in the local community as well as in the Chicago Bar Association and the Illinois State Bar Association.
Dion has served as an officer in the Justinian Society for many years, first in the DuPage County chapter from 2006 to 2011, including as President from 2010 to 2011. Since 2016, he has served Cook County’s founding chapter in roles including Secretary, Treasurer, 3rd Vice President, 2nd Vice President, and most recently, 1st Vice President from 2020-2021.
By the time you decide to file for divorce, you are likely ready to end your marriage as soon as possible. However, an Illinois divorce can be a long process, sometimes lasting many months or more from the filing date to the final approval of the divorce resolution. While it is difficult to avoid the waiting time altogether, several factors can make the divorce process move more quickly, allowing you to put your marriage behind you and move on with your life.
The longest divorces involve contentious disputes between spouses that require court intervention and trial litigation to reach a resolution. You may be able to expedite the divorce process by committing to a more cooperative, amicable approach to resolving the issues at hand. Any of the following options can also lead to a faster divorce resolution:
Joint simplified dissolution - This is perhaps the most efficient method for ending a marriage in Illinois, but it is only an option for some couples. You may qualify if you and your spouse have no children and minimal income and assets. In this case, you will need to agree to a settlement regarding the division of marital assets and waive the right to spousal maintenance.
In large part, getting a divorce is a financial transaction that requires the couple to fairly divide their marital assets and debts. This can include everything from the marital home and the associated mortgage, to bank accounts, retirement savings, vehicles, and household items. However, one of the most contentious subjects for many couples is how to handle credit card debt. If your marriage and finances are currently struggling, here are some things you should consider.
A recent study shows that divorce is up to 30 percent more likely for married couples who argue about finances, and credit card debt is a common focus of such arguments. Unlike a mortgage, credit card debt can accumulate due to a spouse’s irresponsible spending habits, sometimes before the other spouse even realizes what is happening. This can contribute to mistrust and resentment that ultimately leads to irreconcilable differences. If you hope to have a chance of saving your marriage, working together to manage your debt may be your best option.
UPDATE: This post was originally published in March 2015. Since January 1, 2016, Illinois law no longer uses the terms "custody" and "visitation" to refer to arrangements between a child's legal parents. Instead, in a divorce, both parents are usually granted a share of parenting time, meaning that the child will spend significant time living with both parents. This language treats parents more equally, but one parent may still have a larger share of parenting time based on the child's best interests. Additionally, parenting time can be restricted for a parent who endangers a child's health or well-being.
The term "visitation" is still used for grandparents, siblings, and other relatives who seek to secure the legal right to spend time with a child. However, legal action of this nature is usually only warranted when the child's parents are preventing a relative from seeing the child, and there is evidence that doing so is causing the child harm. If you are seeking visitation as a grandparent or another relative, you will need to demonstrate to the court that your visitation is in the child's best interests.
In Illinois, parents have many important issues to resolve during the divorce process, not the least of which is creating a parenting time schedule. Decisions about parenting time will affect the daily lives of both parents and children, so it is important to reach an agreement that meets everyone’s needs and allows for positive parent-child relationships and effective co-parenting.
Understanding some of the basics of parenting time can help you approach this issue in your divorce.
Before 2016, Illinois family courts would often grant one parent primary physical custody and the other parent visitation. However, the state legislature recognized that this language tended to favor one parent unnecessarily. It was not reflective of the degree of involvement that most parents have in raising their children during a marriage and after a divorce. As a result, the term “visitation” is no longer used, and both parents are instead allocated a share of parenting time.
Spousal maintenance, commonly referred to as spousal support or alimony, is not a part of every divorce in Illinois. However, it may be awarded upon the court’s determination that it is warranted to provide for a spouse’s financial needs, or based on an agreement between spouses, such as a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement or a divorce settlement. Maintenance orders typically do not specify what the recipient must use the payments for, but if you are fortunate enough to be granted maintenance in your divorce, it is a good idea to think carefully about how best to use the funds.
For budgeting purposes, you can think of spousal support similarly to any other source of income, with the added benefit that as of 2019, it is no longer taxable for the recipient. However, support payments usually come with a definitive end date, so it is important to use them to your advantage while they last. Here are some possible uses of maintenance that you may find beneficial:
In an Illinois divorce, all property and assets belonging to the marital estate must be distributed fairly between the two spouses. However, certain assets known as non-marital property are not included in the division. If you are preparing for a divorce, it is important to review your finances to identify any non-marital property that you can protect. However, the process of protecting your non-marital assets can begin even before your marriage.
Under Illinois law, non-marital property includes property that was owned by either spouse before the marriage, as well as property acquired by either spouse during the marriage through a gift or inheritance. However, even property of this nature can become a factor in the division of assets if you are not careful to keep it separate from the marital estate. Here are some strategies for protecting your non-marital assets both before and during your marriage:
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